2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
