Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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