he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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