You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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