We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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