hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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