We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
