I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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