4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
