i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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