walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
