oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
