she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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