You smell like stripper and shame
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize