Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
