people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
