I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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