we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
