i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
