i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
