So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
