I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
