dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
