Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
