I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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