sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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