just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
