no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
