I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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