I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
