I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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