I have demons in me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
