Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
