If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
