i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
