tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
