Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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