I will die if light touches me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
