Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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