She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
