You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
