I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
