Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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