please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
