Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
