you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
