I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
