I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
