I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
