remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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