She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
