I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
