oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
