I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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