i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
