is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
