we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
