How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
