you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
