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I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
