i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
