just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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