I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
