the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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