So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
