Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
