i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
