I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
