At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
