dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
