So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
