everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
